Rebecca Kahane, CA Licensed Marriage & Family Counselor, MS Counseling Psychology

Interviewed By: Wes Murph, Owner – The Studly Pooch

1. Question: Tell Me A Little Bit About What You Do?

Rebecca: I am a California licensed Marriage and Family therapist with a Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology. I have a private practice in Manhattan Beach.

In my practice, I work with individuals (both adults and adolescents), couples, and families to assist them with learning (or re-learning) the tools needed to be successful in their relationships and everyday lives.

It is my belief that each one of us has the resources within us to rise to the challenge and be successful. I assist clients to identify and reconnect with those inner resources and, if necessary, I provide external resources, as well.

I have experience working with individuals dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD, childhood abuse, trauma, grief, loss, parenting, and those who are just having difficulty adjusting to current stressful situations in their lives.

2. Question: How did you get into your profession?

Rebecca: Out of college, I fell into working as an interior designer. That lasted for 15 years.

What I liked best about the design field was my interaction with my clients and helping them solve problems. While still a designer I started attending personal growth workshops. It was through that experience that I decided I wanted to be that person helping to facilitate the same kind of healing that I experienced.

With the tireless support of my husband, Peter, and my mother-in-law (a Licensed Social Worker), and juggling work and motherhood, I went back for my Master’s degree. Ten years later, I still feel very passionate about what I do.

3. Question: In 2007, pets are considered a family member. What are the best ways to cope with the loss of a pet?

Rebecca: Coping with the loss of a pet is very personal and individual. Everyone grieves in different ways. Cultures mourn in different ways too.

According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, an expert in grief and loss, there are five stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Everyone, whether it is the loss of a pet, family member, or friend, will experience these five stages. The stages are not necessarily experienced in a linear fashion. One may find that anger is the first thing you feel one day and depression the next day. The last stage of acceptance is probably the most important of the stages. Acceptance lets us know that it is OK to move on, have hope and move forward.

What is important to know about grieving is that it just takes time to get through it. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of your beloved pet.

Whatever you feel is normal.

There is not a right or wrong way to do it and there is no time frame. Don’t isolate with your grief. Make sure you reach out to family and friends and talk. You may need to ask them to just listen without the well intentioned advice. If you have a spiritual belief, you can turn to that for comfort.

I suggest a few different exercises to help my clients move more gracefully through the healing process. These exercises can be done as a family, or individually.

A letter, using your pet’s name, will help you verbalize the words unsaid prior to the transition or the words you would like to say now. Then take that letter and plant it at the base of a tree, flower or bush that you have planted specially for your pet. Another suggestion is to take the letter and while safely burning the letter, say words of goodbye. For the kids, you can take their letters and put them in a helium balloon, say some words as a family then let the balloon go. Acknowledging the loss of your pet by creating a sacred ceremony facilitates the letting go.

In extreme cases, some people may experience a clinical depression. The signs of depression are; isolation, difficulty sleeping or to much sleep, lack of appetite, irritability, fatigue, indifference, lack of focus or concentration. If you are experiencing these symptoms for a minimum of two weeks I would suggest that you speak with a professional and explore medication as a temporary treatment.

4. Question: Is there any timeframe for getting a new pet?

Rebecca: I don’t believe there is a time frame for introducing a new pet into the family. There is just no rule-of-thumb. Each person or family is individual. Usually families that have children want to replace the pet fairly quickly. In this case, remember that the new pet does not replace the one you lost, but the new pet can fill the pet “energy” of your home.

It may be a good distraction for the kids but it doesn’t necessarily take away the pain of your loss. Others will take more time. Give yourself permission to take that next step when you are ready. I believe you will know when the time is right. Trust your intuition.

5. Question: Do you recommend any books, websites or other resources on how to cope with a loss?

Rebecca: To understand the stages of grief and loss, whether for a pet or a human, I recommend “On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss,” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler. There are many very good books for both adults and children on dealing with the loss of your pet. You can search these materials on Amazon.com. Enter the key words: “loss of a pet”.

6. Question: How can someone contact you, should they need additional help?

Rebecca: Should your readers have questions regarding this article or need additional help or resources they may contact me at: rgkahane@yahoo.com or call at (310) 925-0607.

7. Question: How did you hear about The Studly Pooch and what is one thing that you like about us?

Rebecca: I read about the Studly Pooch in the Beach Reporter. I was drawn to the article because Wes seemed to take a more holistic approach to the care and grooming of the dogs. It appeared that the dogs would have more individual attention and would not be waiting for hours in a cage till they were ready for their grooming.